Thanksgiving Eve

 Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I've been terribly sad all day. I've had a headache most of the day. I took my migraine pill and it did not help. I think my body is stressed and tense in anticipation of the first Thanksgiving without Brendan. 

Ever since he left for college and began his adult work life, I've always had a sliver of hope that he might show up on a holiday he told me he wasn't able to come home for.  He did that just last year when he surprised me by showing up for Christmas when he had told me he had to work - little liar. :-) What a wonderful surprise that was. He was actually with us for both Thanksgiving and Christmas last year. What a treat. If I would have known it would be the last one I would have taken more photos, tried to remember every conversation, what he was wearing, and focused more on being present than on all the tasks that distracted me. Big family dinners don't just magically appear - it's a whole lot of work and I confess to being a bit crabby on some holidays because I'm worn out from all the preparation. I would have hugged him hard and not wanted to ever let go. But I didn't know. I falsely assumed we had more Thanksgivings and Christmases to be together. 

Thanksgiving. A time to pause and be intentional about counting our blessings. I have many. I am going to list a few of them here (in no particular order) so I can try to focus on the "haves" rather than the "have nots". I am so thankful for God's presence in my life and a strong faith that carries us through terrible times. I am thankful for my husband of 32+ years. I am thankful for my girls. Just last night they drove to our house to surprise me and take me to dinner. It was a wonderful evening of good conversation, hugs, and laughter. I am thankful for our handsome grandson. He is quite skilled at being the center of attention and when he is here I am able to forget about the sad stuff for a bit. What a gift! I am thankful that we will be meeting our granddaughter in the very near future. She is scheduled to arrive on Christmas Eve - we'll have to wait and see when she decides to make her entrance into the world. I am thankful for my home, our vehicles, soft lighting, music, the Bible, the kindle Brendan gave me, hard copy books, pens that write smoothly, pedicures, and our jobs. I'm thankful for time spent with family and friends. I'm thankful for my dogs, for a cozy bed, for Cuddle Duds socks, and good food. I'm thankful for good health that allows me to go on walks, play pickleball, swim, hike, attempt to keep up with Theo, and ride my bike. I'm thankful for cappuccino k-cups, oatmeal raisin cookies, Famous Dave's pickles, and sunshine. I'm thankful for outdoor swimming pools on hot, sunny days and for fireplaces and hot cocoa on cold ones. I'm thankful for sunflowers, pretty jewelry, swings, and fireflies. I'm thankful for caring friends and thoughtful messages that make me cry. I'm thankful for Hallmark movies, Little House on the Prairie, Reign, and our annual tradition of watching It's A Wonderful Life. I'm thankful for Brendan's piano that now resides in my living room. I'm thankful for cell phones and videos - we are finding some precious videos of Brendan from long ago times. I'm thankful for the gift of memory. How sweet it is to remember Brendan's growing up years with his sisters. I'm thankful for vacations, for porches, for rocking chairs, and flowers. I'm thankful for eyes to take in the wonder of God's creation and ears to hear the sweet giggles from little Theo. I'm thankful for cozy blankets, pajamas, and soft scarves. I'm thankful for long baths, bath bombs, wonderful smelling shampoo and fluffy towels. I'm thankful for a good haircut, make-up, earrings, and jeans that fit just right (I think I've heard that somewhere before). I'm thankful for old friends and new ones. I'm thankful for awesome places to eat like Cracker Barrel, The Machine Shed, and soup from Panera Bread. I am thankful for popcorn made on the stove with White Cheddar seasoning. I'm thankful for God's promises and His faithfulness to us. I'm thankful for forgiveness and resilience. And finally, I am thankful that God has prepared a place for those who love Him and that we can know that the painful separation we are experiencing is temporary. There is coming a day where there will be no more pain, no more tears, and no more sorrow!

I went back and read what I had typed above and reflected on all those incredible blessings and my heart feels less heavy. I even have a small smile on my face. It feels good to smile. I want to wish all who read this a very Happy Thanksgiving. May you take time to reflect on the goodness of God and His many blessings. Hug your loved ones a little tighter and make that hug last a little longer. 


Comments

  1. strokesurvivorNovember 23, 2023 at 5:32 AM

    I can remember telling people on hospice: try to come up with 100 things you are thankful for; hopefully by the time to get to number 100 you'll forget why you were discouraged. I love to read your list, and it was good to see you laugh. I love you

    ReplyDelete

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